She Has No Clue

Days Walking - 67

Gabe is still suffering the lingering effects of yesterday's tummy troubles. We're all being sympathetic (during breaks from teasing him) and hopefully he's all better soon.

I mean, Frequent Need To Squat Disorder is a pain while surrounded by the cozy comforts of home. But out here? No thanks. And I have to say, the worst thing about Gabe's FNTS isn't the frequent stops.

Oh no...
It's that there's no such thing as a courtesy flush.

Have I mentioned Jake has a lovely singing voice? We all chime in sometimes, almost as if we're encouraging the movement to uh - move. Today we performed a rousing encouragement medley of The Black Eyed Peas' - "Let's Get it Started".

Wildlife in the area is going to be highly confused by the weird piles Gabe's leaving behind, and like us, other unfortunate humans will be thoroughly dismayed. Perhaps a little warning flag for each one? Or just a big wooden sign in Olde English, 'Hyre Thyr Be Drahgon Poop'.

I'm sorry to make so many jokes of the fecal variety. What Jake calls "Dick and Fart Jokes" which is a phrase I think he stole from Kevin Smith. Shelly dropped me an email to let me know that Kevin Smith is appearing, signing his new book at the LA Times Book Festival. Like I can go or something. Either she has no clue how far away it is (what, am I gonna fly down for the weekend?) or she's a taunting biznitch. I'm going with the latter.

Dad has a Girlfriend! Her name is Joann, and she's a lawyer, she's younger than he is, and I don't know how I feel about this... I don't recall agreeing to a girlfriend. Usually I like to personally vet Dad's lady friends as though they we applicants for Supreme Court Justice. I'll bet Joann's glad that Dad's annoyingly nosey 20 year old daughter is thousands of miles away.

...If Joann even knows I exist. Sniffle. What kind of Dad doesn't talk about his daughter while out on a date? There better be some 8x10 glossies of moi on display at that table! The ladies so love to hear about your fully-grown children. It makes you seem youthful and virile.

Speaking of baggage, Jake and Anneli are on the outs right now. None of us know what happened, they stalked off into the lonesome lands last night to yell at one another. Oh sure, make the love and scream his name for us all to hear, but when you're fighting, get private. And I could go for some good gossip right about now, too. Hmph.

This seems to be Jake and Anneli's first real tiff. It will be interesting to see if they last, if they get back together, and what the whole fight was about. What if she's pregnant and she told him and he freaked out or said the wrong thing?

By the way, guys: anything but 'Unadulterated Joy' is the wrong thing. Of course, we have to be careful how we break the news to our manfolk. Hitching up your shirt, shakin your soon-to-be huge tummy at him, and singing "I Don't Think You're Ready For This Belly" is probably not the best way to spring the news.

Litany Webb, signing off

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