Trading in Delicious Disease
Days Walking - 60
Hey wow I'm not sick at all anymore. Adrian's getting better fast. Too fast. I think I must have transmitted the antibodies to him as a pheromone. Darned my pro-active, helpful immune system.
You know, you'd think that micro-organisms would wise up and realize that it's not that we mind having them - we could be friendly as hosts, if they would just be smart about it. And they've had millions of years to adapt. They've developed a resistance to antibiotics in less than 100 years.
All they have to do is provide a benefit - then our immune system could chill out, live and let live. Microorganisms need to enhance our endorphins, boost a sense of well-being, deliver some yummy hormone. Bigger breasts, better memory, clear skin...
Why can't we say "Holy Shit, I must have that new virus, I feel amazing!!" And you'd avoid antibiotics, grab a machete and fend off well-meaning relatives bearing juice and broth.
"No! I want to keep this one!" You'd insist.
You would run to the drug store and get a petri dish with some sterile agar and do your best to breed your bug. Tending it carefully, lovingly. The best viruses would start circulating on eBay, and everyone would have a great time trading in delicious disease until The eBay Enforcers cracked down on the practice.
Pushers on street corners:
"Hey man, Hey - I got some good sick man!"
People would start their own websites to peddle the stuff. You'd get your special order microbes in the mail, drop the utility bills and junk mail in a pile at your feet, tearing the package open with your teeth, ignoring the warning label.
You start lapping licking the spotty agar like a lucky lover, feeling your tongue tingle as the pleasant plague went to work.
"Ohhh yeah, I got germs!!"
You'd want to share with your lover...
You want to get down, get freaky, get contagious.
...And soon the Urban Dictionary would need a new entry:
"Cootie Call"
Litany Webb, signing off
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posted by Litany @ 8:33 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
"Get down, get freaky, get contagious": that should be the title to the next psa, or something (c'mon Kato, help me out with the lyrics...)
Then that would make our looming Flu Pandemic "The Next Big Thing". What would Madonna and Britney think??
If I could, I'd give you a quarter for using the word agar in your post. Twice, even. Very nice.
Hmm, how 'bout a little Barry White, "Can't Get Enough of Your Germs, Babe"
My darling, I can't get enough of your germs babe /
Girl, my temp's 1-0, it's 1-0-5 /
Can't get enough of your germs babe /
Oh, some things I get immune to /
No matter how I try /
But, now, the more you sneeze, the more I cough /
And baby, that's no lie /
Oh, no babe.
Or perhaps something a bit more original:
You want to get down, get freaky, get contagious. /
Ohhh, you know that you do. /
Just get down, get freaky, get contagious. /
Feel the sickness in you. /
Get down, get freaky, get contagious. /
A kiss...if you please. /
Get down, get freaky, get contagious. /
You can share my disease.
Freak with me, eat with me, sleep with me. /
Feel your temperature risin'. /
Between the sheets, and then you'll see, the germs in me. /
Oh, my fever's climbin'. /
You lose control, from feet to soul, the pace is quick. /
Oh, I feel so old. /
And when we're done, you'll know that I'm you're number one.
It's hot when I've caught your cold.
Daaaaaaaaad! I want a DIY Micro-Organism kit for Christmas! All the cool kids have them! Those chemistry kits are for babies...
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