Hardcore Lovin' and Couscous

Days Walking - 3

Where was I? Oh yes. Sivaluaq.
Now, I have to admit a certain weakness for Native American men. Grandma MacDole corrupted me at a young age. I was 11, I think, and I started reading the stack of books that were next to her couch. And behind her couch. And on top of her TV. Grandma had a lot of books.

So I started reading them one summer, they were cozies, a typically cutesy romance novel with gardening grannies or shy librarians or cookie bakers as the main character. But these are actually thinly disguised pornography. This is Penthouse Letters wrapped in a doily. If men only knew! Behind a thin gauzy curtain of baked goods and petunias is hardcore lovin.

And I developed a taste for this at a young age. My favorites were the westerns, where a shy Southern Belle is dragged out into the frontier by some slack-jawed drunkard as*hole. He tries to build them a cabin, and it's leaky and cold. He tries to farm, but only grows weeds. Somehow, As*hole has enough money for whiskey, and he regularly staggers home from the Saloon and beats her. Cause, you know, he's bitter and hopeless.

(No, I don't enjoy S&M western tales, just wait I'm getting to the part I like.)

So now the settlement is invaded by the righteous native warriors, trying to drive out the evil white man. Yeah! So our Southern Belle, who has never been loved properly in her whole life, has never met an orgasm and wouldn't know what to do with one is taken by A Sexy Native. Her as*hole husband vows to get her back, and begins to organize a posse.

Meanwhile, the Southern Belle is treated with respect by A Real Man, who holds everything on earth sacred, especially women. He loves her right, he rocks her world, he eats that pus*y like it was his last meal on earth, like a delicate flower, like an oasis in the desert. He loves her so thoroughly that she learns how to love him back, appreciate life, live with passion and verve. And when her As*hole husband shows up to 'rescue' her, she laughs. Then her Native Real Man chases the jerk away, and they live in deliciousness for ever, having one beautiful Native munchkin after another.

So as I meet Sivaluaq, my subconsious breeding persona blooms like a deprived Southern Belle. He was very kind, smart, and funny. We spent probably an hour talking to him, and he thought it was a real cool idea to walk for five years. He's one of the first people who actually thought we could do it, that it wasn't a waste of time. I mean, people came around eventually, but the first reaction was always "Right... Sure... Uh huh..." People humor the insane, until they can run away. Not this man. I got his address, and will write him.

5 Things I Learned Today:

1) Proper Breathing Technique can help your resistance to the cold. Breathe in, slowly, through your nose, hold it, and let it out. Repeat. Who knew?

2) Inupiaq men are fuc*ing hot! I may have to move to Kivalina.

3) Caeled's "First Time" was on the roof of a VW van, during a flood.

4) I may have to move to Kivalina.

5) There are over two hundred varieties of trap, but Sivaluaq prefers the non-strangling, foot snare types.

I would like to thank REI for their excellent merchandise, and would like to recommend Mary Janes Farm Organic Couscous and Lentil Curry.

Litany Webb, signing off

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