F*ck F*ck F*ck
Days Walking - 107
My Dad is in the hospital right now, after passing out, hitting his head on the coffee table, and passing into a Ketoacidotic Coma. Thank goodness that Joann was with him at the time. I've said some snarky things about Joann, and I hereby take them all back.
It turns out that Dad has 'Type 1 Diabetes' of all things, and this incident was a loudspeaker announcement of its arrival. "Attention! You are doomed to an early death due to wounds that won't heal. Oh yeah, and blindness, can't forget the blindness." Well f*ck.
And here I am in the middle of f*cking nowhere and I can't help, and Dad had been talking about meeting up with us in Fairbanks for like a weekend, and I was really looking forward to seeing him and now I don't know if that's going to happen and it's selfish of me but I really wanted to see him and hug him and tell him I'm sorry for the stupid sh*t I've done and this is pissing me off.
Diabetes kind of runs in the family, Dad's sister and his grandmother had it too I think. So yes, I'll probably wake up one day with the cursed condition as well, that's something exciting to look forward to.
Type 1 Diabetes means that the pancreas no longer makes insulin. So you have to get shots every day, whether you give them to yourself, or someone else gives them to you, or you have some kind of gizmo installed in your body.
And with daily shots, the odds go way up that one day the person giving you the shots will be distracted and there will be an air bubble in the syringe and then you have a bubble in your bloodstream and then you die from an aneurysm or some sh*t. And if the shot-giver is Dad, the chances go way up that distraction is a factor. Ugh!
I'd say go with the gizmo, but what if you roll over in your sleep and hit the 'dispense' button and you just lay there pressing on it and you end up ODing and killing yourself, all because you like to sleep on your right side?
I'm sure they have safeties built into the gizmo to avoid that, and Dad hasn't mentioned getting one or anything, I was too busy crying on the phone with him to really ask too many lucid questions. I KNEW something bad was going to happen when I was away. I knew he was going to get hit by a bus or drown while he was out kayaking or something.
And I don't pray all that often, but I've been praying a lot for Dad while I've been on this trip, and it's almost like a twisted wish from a mischievous jinn - "Aaaa - you didn't call 'No Diabetes!' during your wish, Ha Ha!" So I forgot to pray for protection against internal diseases and organ failure, excuse me.
The impact to his head left a good sized scratch which bled all over, and poor Joann was very composed and called 911 before she freaked out, and kudos to her for that. And thanks to the paramedics and doctors and nurses who deftly treated and diagnosed My Dear Daddy.
Obviously, millions of people every year come down with Diabetes, and they live full and happy lives and all that crap. But no one can tell me that it's not going to shorten his lifespan. And as I look online for complications due to Diabetes, it's f*cking scary, all the related disorders there are.
I mean, he could be dead before I see him again. It's not like I could have protected him if I'd stayed in LA. I can help him avoid a bus, but what could I have done about this? Helped him avoid junk food? Would that have mattered? Or just delayed it? This feels like punishment for leaving him all alone.
And yet, would he have felt free enough to get serious with another woman if I was in town, clinging to his ankles and drinking all his milk and coming over twice a week to do laundry?
I'm glad Dad met Joann and I'm glad she was with him and is with him now, as he's in the hospital. My brother is there too and it kills me that I can't be there. I guess this will be a test for Joann, if she weathers this then I'll have to like her.
Get Well Dad. I miss you, Goofus.
Litany Webb, signing off
Jump to Start..........FAQ..........Previous Post..........Next Post
posted by Litany @ 8:42 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
So sorry to hear about your father, but I'm so glad someone was there to help him. Now that he knows about his condition, he can deal with it and make the necessary life changes that can minimize symptoms and control his condition. If you make it all the way through Latin America, you're going to walk through places where this is a death sentence because people are so poor, but it isn't so in the USA. It's going to change his life in a big way, but hopefully he will lead a fairly normal life and, yes, visit you on the road.
The test isn't for Joann, it's for all of you. Be well.
Scary. Hope he gets better soon.
Sorry about the bad news, Litany, my heart goes out to you. And I know this isn't going to help you feel less frustrated or scared, but it's gonna be okay and, considering the myriad of possible things that could have happened to him, it could have been much worse. There are a lot more scary things with which one could be diagnosed, so at least there's that.
Also, you should take solace in the fact that Diabetes is a very well known problem and is not particularly uncommon. Although there is no "cure", doctors know a great deal about it and the steps that need to be taken to mitigate the problem are well known. I'm not going to say it doesn't suck, but as diseases go, it's very manageable. It's true that the average lifespan for people with diabetes is shorter than for non diabetics, but the risk comes from complications that result from diabetes. And careful control of blood sugar greatly reduces the risk of most of these complications.
I have a friend with type 1 and, yea it complicates things for him, but he lives a pretty full and active life. There's nothing you personally could have done to prevent this as type 1 is genetic, so if you had never embarked on your pilgrimage he still would have had to start treatment eventually. Life sucks, sometimes, but we do our best to deal with it and try to make the best of what is thrown our way.
Your dad will be okay, and I'm sure you'll see him on the road, if maybe not as soon as you would have liked. You may not get to be there in person, but I'm sure he knows you're thinking about him, and knowing dads, he would probably rather you not have to see him in one of those silly dressing gowns with the flap in the back.
God I'm sorry, Lit. ((hugs))
I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad, Litany. I can hear your heartache in your words.
I know you're not really much of one for prayer, but I am, and I will pray: for your dad's health and recovery, for wisdom in deciding about treatment options, for your comfort, for your peace of mind. It's SO hard to be away from the ones we love when they're hurting. Believe me, I know.
I am thankful, however, that someone was there with your father when he passed out. It must've been quite an initiation for Joann, but it sounds like she handled it well.
I'm glad your brother can be there, too.
Litany, I'm sure your dad understands your anguish and your inability to be with him right now. Try to find some solace in knowing that he's alive, that his condition is identified, that he's not alone, and that type 1 diabetes is a manageable (though scary) condition these days (as opposed to thirty years ago).
Hang in there. I'll be praying.
Joan (from One Writer's Window, who still checks out your blog now and then)
Post a Comment
<< Home