April 27th Always Tends To Suck
Days Walking - 73
Today is an Anniversary of my Mom's disappearance. Needless to say that April 27th always tends to suck, even if it's an otherwise good day. Her birthday is in June, and you'd think that I'd miss her more then, but no. Today's the day.
The Facts, for the newer readers:
My Mom vanished one day when I was six years old. She went out for groceries and never came back. The car was found in the grocery parking lot - trunk full of groceries, engine running, door unlocked, no sign of struggle. Nothing was ever found. No clue, no witness, no idea. Clearly, my mother is dead. But I'm still looking for her.
Dad arranged for a cenotaph for her at the cemetery when I was ten, and he goes there sometimes to talk to her. I've never gone to see it, she's never been there, why would I go? Dad's moved several times since she disappeared, so it's not like I can hang out in her room.
Most of her stuff is gone, but I have one old ratty green sweater that she used to wear. I try not to snuggle with it too much, since then it will smell like me, instead of her. I'm carrying it with me in its own little vacuum bag.
So yeah, I'm gonna call and talk to my brother now. He's an ass, but on the subject of Mom, we agree. Lee (my Bro) was nine when Mom vanished, and so he remembers her a lot better than I do.
Is it wrong that I'm really bitter, angry and jealous with him, for that extra time, all those memories he has that I don't? And do they comfort or torment him?
I like to think that if she could get to know me she'd like me as a person, not just love me for being her daughter. And that she'd be proud. Dad says I got my sense of humor from her. Anyway I'm gonna make it short today and give Lee a call.
Mom, we miss you!
Litany Webb, signing off
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posted by Litany @ 8:29 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
Sure make me cry at work on the only day in the last month that I have worn mascara.
Litany that is heartbreaking; I am really sorry that you had to go through all that. I think that its ok to feel the way you do about your brother. Sibling rivalry is usually a lot more shallow in its nature. Your feelings are understandable and natural.
So sad. Sorry, Lit. :(
I really hope you are able to reconnect with Lee.
((hugs))
Wow Litany. I don't even know what to say. Some hugs from me too. Where ever your mom is, she probably misses you just as much, if not more. Moms are like that.
>>hugs<<
Life can be really cruel sometimes. I'm so sorry for your loss. (((hugs))) I am sure that she would be incredibly proud of you. And, if she is no longer of this world, you can be damn sure that you have the best guardian angel out there.
devastingly sad. I am so sorry.
Of course it's ok.
I think she would not only like you, she would think that you as well as what you're doing is pretty amazing.
Reading about you carrying her sweater in a vacuum bag really touched me. There are so many mysteries and things one can never really know, I am sorry that such a deep dark mystery had to touch your life at so young an age.
I hope you find what you are looking for. Take care.
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