Carol is the Keymaster

Days Walking - 39

Let's just say that today was not the day to wander uninvited onto the British Petroleum Oilfield at Prudhoe Bay.

Allow me to be clear - we didn't climb a fence or anything. No signs. It was like a meridian or something. An invisible, imaginary line. On this side, wild tundra. On that side, regulated tundra.

About three o'clock, a chopper went over. It was at like two hundred feet, and with no other distractions, it was pretty neat. We were all excited and waving.

It went away, then came back a few minutes later. It did a low, slow flyby, checking us out. We waved some more.

Hi!! Hey there pilot dudes!



It's all good, no emergency here. Just hiking.

Twenty minutes later, three very grim, stern, unsmiling, no-nonsense BP Security Officers roared up to us on snowmobiles, to inform us we were on restricted land.

Apparently, the pristine tundra is not to be disturbed, on pain of Severe Corporate Fines and Federal Infractions.

EEEEEEEK.

It's a good thing they didn't catch Our Group performing The Poop Tent Ballet.

Adrian, Kwame and Jake, being the most charismatic and knowledgeable, did all of the talking, apologizing, bowing and scraping. The rest of us just stood there with freaked-out looks on our faces.

Franklin, James, and Walter (the security guys) told us about the blast at the Texas City refinery, and how all BP plants were on high alert.

They kept repeating:
"Thousand Dollar Fine Per Person and Time Served" as if they were highly peeved robotic enforcers. (Ed209) Now don't get me wrong, I'm all about law enforcement, it's a hard, thankless, difficult duty and these guys were doing their jobs, protecting their territory.

I just tried to look small and innocent.

But I almost pee'd myself, I was afraid and chilled and it had nothing to do with the temperature. These were the first people we'd seen in weeks, and it was lots of clipped, gruff orders, stern glaring, and clenched jaws.

We apologized a thousand times, averting our gaze with respect, and all that. Adrian, Kwame and Jake walked away from the rest of us, to talk to them. I don't know exactly what A, K, and J said, but the security dudes finally downgraded to yellow alert.

The workers at the oilfield are all under very strict rules due to all the Federal Regulations which the oil company has to enforce, ensuring that the tundra is not disturbed. There is a lot of tip-toeing, since the oil folks don't want to piss off the government. Literally billions in petro-dollars are at stake. I guess I'm surprised they didn't just sniper us from the chopper. Billions? I'd snipe someone for that.

We were escorted to Deadhorse, which is where the village is. Prudhoe Bay is the waterway (obviously) and the oilfield, but the town is Deadhorse.

So we're at the hotel, and Dear Lord the shower was good. The hotel is dormitory style, with shared / communal bathrooms, but I didn't give a damn about that. I was blissfully unaware as I scrubbed every crevice, thrice. I must have been in there for like 45 minutes, I'm not exaggerating. And they never ran out of hot water, this is heaven, I have died and I can report to you that heaven is a hot shower, and the men are cute, but they have furry asses.

There's a big freakin package (Daddy!) for me behind the front desk, but it's locked up in the security cage and Carol won't be back until sometime tomorrow. Carol is the Keymaster.

They even feed you here, it's included in the room. Get a load of this crazy shit - there are places in the world where hot food comes out of a kitchen, and is placed on plates, (round, flat disks) and can be eaten with utensils (like fingers, but better, esp when it comes to soup. Potato. Cheese. Soup. Tastes like it was made by Betty Freakin Crocker herself.) while sitting at a table, as if we were a civilized species.

My package was taunting me in the night.
Liiiitannneeeee. Come pick the lock....
How hard could be, Liiitannneeee?

What the hell am I doing typing? I woke early because I have become accustomed to waking up early. I pee'd in a real live toilet! I should be sleeping on my soft soft comfy bed till at least sunset.

Dear Carol, come back soon. Love, Me.

Litany Webb, signing off

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